I Really Don’t Like Cats

Yesterday we almost lost Kiki.
Sometimes when the sliding glass door is left open, she wanders out onto the deck. Just before dinner, I saw her out there, and called her in. She wouldn’t come, and I had to shut the door and get on with my business, so I promptly forgot about her being out there.
Later, while we were watching home movies, we heard what sounded like the neighbor cats fighting on the deck. Luke went out there, shooed the cats off, and returned to the house.
Still later, we hear another cat fight, and I remember saying, “Those cats are really obnoxious sometimes,” while Luke breaks it up, this time with a broom.
Then, at bedtime, I notice that I haven’t seen Kiki around lately. I search Carol’s room, no cat. Basement- no cat. Then it hits me- I probably never let her back in from the deck, and those howls earlier were probably her getting her bell rung by the Caledonia Cat Gang! Luke and I both proceeded to call her, and look around the deck and surrounding flower beds for her. It was dark, though, and with no flashlights, this was not getting us anywhere. I remembered that the sound of her food bag being shaken often will bring her out of hiding. Kiki’s package of Meow Mix is as big as my five year old, so I decided to substitute a can of oats. I’m out there shaking this can, calling “Kiki! Kiki” and Luke comments, “Oh, so you really do like her!” I quickly responded that no, I do not like her, I just don’t want to be the person who goes down in history UNDER MUCH SUSPICION regarding her disappearance. Upcoming family gatherings would be fraught with whisperings about “who ‘forgot’ to let the cat in that night?” and “who never gave the cat any bowls of milk?” and I would never live it down. Sure, I’d like to see her go, but one of my (minor) goals in life is to not be responsible for her demise. I decided to leave out her food bowl and water, in the hopes these would draw her back.
While getting a drink of water later I thought I’d check one more time outside- and up the deck stairs saunters Kiki, tail high as ever, like she had just come home from the most enjoyable Fancy Feast with her friends. I would rather have her with her tail between her legs and an ear bit off- that would make this story more exciting. But there it is. She is back, safe and sound. Even ventured out again today- the nerve! We can’t let anything happen to her while Carol is away, so I’ll continue to swallow my pride and shoo her back in the house.